Following the preparation days, the First Week of the Exercises begins. Once we glimpse God’s love for us and our meaningful created purpose, we often realize there are things holding us back. As 13th century monk, Gregory of Sinai put it: “If we do not know what we are like when God makes us, we shall not realize what sin has turned us into.”[1] We need to know our worth and destiny before we can fathom how tragic are the things that rob us. The First Week helps us to discern these hindrances. But, the problem is not only our own sins; the reality includes the groaning of the whole world, longing for its redemption. As we mourn and confess sin, we become freer and able to live into God’s vision for us.
The First Week can be challenging as it involves facing the reality of sin in the world, our local communities, and our own heart.That can be difficult to look at. But the goal is not to weigh down with hopeless guilt and despair. Michael Ivens, SJ describes the intended dynamics:
“Mercy, then, is the dominant theme of the First Week Meditations, but there can be no profound sense of God’s mercy without a profound sense of sin. Hence the week opens up a faith-vision of sin: sin seen as the negation of praise, reverence and service, as a negative power pervading the history of free creation, as destructive of our relationship with ourselves and with the world. But sin is always considered in the Exercises in light of mercy, the mercy which is finally revealed in the Creator’s commitment to sinful humanity in the cross of Jesus . . .This discovery . . . brings about a love-inspired conversion which is different from the conversion prompted by fear.”[2]
If you find yourself in the next few weeks not wanting to look at sin, ask God to help you understand what is going on in your heart. Did you grow up in a harsh and condemning church environment? Does contemplating sin make you feel worthless or discouraged? Are you anxious about whether God really loves you unconditionally? Or, perhaps, you are afraid of changes that God might ask of you?
When we fully grasp God’s abundant compassion toward us, we are filled with hope. Facing the reality of sin can actually inspire gratitude for God’s merciful love and foster anticipation of a better world. Repentance and desire for transformation are healthy, but feelings of despair suggest possible erroneous images of God. Ask God to help you work through these deeper issues as you go through the First Week. And be sure to discuss any concerns with your Spiritual Director, including whether or not you need more time with the Preparation Days before moving into the First Week. It is important to have a sense of God’s affirmation and good created purpose for you before looking at sin.
WEEK 7: Cosmic, Global, and Historical Dimensions of Sin
WEEK 8: Remembering God’s Mercy
WEEK 10: Sin and Mercy: Seeing the Whole Picture
WEEK 11: Seeking Freedom, Turning from Hindrances
WEEK 12: Longing for Transformation and God’s Merciful Intervention
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[1] “137 Texts: On Commandments and Doctrines, Warnings, and Promises; on Thoughts, Passions and Virtues, and also on Stillness and Prayer” in The Philokalia, The Complete Text, Vol. 4, comp. by St. Nikodimos, trans. G. E.H. Palmer, Philip Sherrard, Kallistos Ware (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1998).
[2] Understanding the Spiritual Exercises, 44.